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Lady of the Land

Registered: 05-2003
Location: Germany
Posts: 6984
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Exercise #7 - 9/26/06 - Villain dressing


Give me a villain. Show him to me when he's dressing and thinking of the new day. Get into his or her or its mind.

 emoticon

Last edited by Firlefanz, 8/4/2007, 7:54 am


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- Firlefanz

Reading: "The Amulet of Samarkand" by J. Stroud
Writing: Rewrite of the Unicorn Girl YA novel

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Initiate

Registered: 08-2006
Location: Texas
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Re: Exercise #7 - 9/26/06


     Alonzo reached back and pulled his hair out of the stiff collar of his crimson shirt. The silky black tresses fell softly to his shoulders. He gazed into the mirror and stroked his hair admiringly, loving the sensuous feel of it between his fingers. Opening a black lacquer box on his dressing table he retrieved a tiny brush and began to smooth his perfectly arched black eyebrows. Abruptly, his hand froze. He leaned slowly forward glaring menacingly into the mirror, his black eyes blazing. His face went utterly still as he focused intently on the image in the mirror. A pinpoint beam of ruby light scorched out of his eyes, hit the mirror like a lazar beam, ricocheted out and struck the errant gray hair that had dared to show itself on his noble brow. A sneer contorted his excellent features and he snarled, “We’ll just see who wins the hand of the fair Princess tonight.”

Last edited by Jondra, 9/27/2006, 11:05 pm


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Journeyman

Registered: 10-2006
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 85
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Re: Exercise #7 - 9/26/06


Red sat in the darkness brushing his teeth carefully planning his day. It was a big day after all, one that had come with months and months of preparation and iron will. The same kind of will that had won Red the respect he had from his peers.

Red was never an intimidating person on the surface, standing just over five and a half feet tall, the stocky man’s round face was always flushed as if he were in a constant state of embarrassment. Rosacea, the doctors called it. An uncontrolled reddening of the skin, but regardless of the scientific whats and hows, it was still a license to be made fun of on the playground, in gym class and even the university plaza. Ridicule like that only hardened Red’s resolve, the same resolve he would call upon today. It was after all, a very big day.

Mike finished using the restroom and washed his hands. Red was silently thankful that Mike finally learned to wash his hands after using the restroom. Sure it took 2 weeks of reminding followed by two broken fingers and a busted lip, but Mike learned. Mike was a tall man, the kind that would pick on Red in school. Part of the pain Red inflicted on Mike was revenge, and Red know this – but the part of him that felt guilt had died long ago. Even if some spark of it remained, threatening to set fire to an emotional store room of sorrow, Red didn’t have time for that right now. He had to focus on the next few events that would end in a plan that had existed, only in his mind, for months.

Red got up as Mike sat next to him on the bed, not meaning to be rude, he simply had to spit a mouthful of toothpaste into the sink and rinsed the bowl and his brush clean. Pausing Red looked at himself in the mirror, he saw what was left of his hairline was starting to come in and a part of him wanted to shave his head again. “You ready to get some chow?” Mike asked, bringing Red back to the moment. It was almost time to go eat, and in the cafeteria he would meet up with his crew to make sure everyone was on the same page with what was going to happen today.

“The Big Day.” Red heard the words leave his mouth and watched his face widen with a smile. That’s when the cell door behind him rolled open, controlled by a panel operated by a lone prison guard in the central picket. Turning around while putting on his prison issued shirt Red saw Officer Cobbs, the overconfident 23 year old who was fresh out of the army as well as prison academy. Red hated the kid, with his know-it-all attitude and his logic fallacy of invulnerability. Sometimes the only thing that kept Red going was the mental images of what he was going to do the kid today… this big day.

“Let's go girls! I don’t have time for you old folks to get your butts in gear.”

Red actually laughed at Cobbs’ joke this morning, because really it didn’t matter. In three hours the boy would be dead. It was, after all, Red’s Bid Day.

Eh, I know it's not exactly old world fantasy setting - but that's not to say it couldn't have ended up SciFi.

Last edited by BardNoir, 10/26/2006, 11:34 pm


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"No story that ever began 'So I was playing a Half-Elf, Chaotic-Neutral, Fighter/Thief/Mage' can ever end well." -The Bard Noir
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Lady of the Land

Registered: 05-2003
Location: Germany
Posts: 6984
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Re: Exercise #7 - 9/26/06


Sorry to take so long to respond here:

Jondra, I like the little touch of the "laser" coming from his eye, that's creepy. Other than that, Alonzo could just be any arrogant fop.

Bardnoir, it's okay, it didn't need to be fantasy. I suppose that "Red" is a killer - and yet you only reveal that in the last paragraph. I sort of like this, on the other hand I think the suggestion that Red became a killer because of his "handicap" is a bit too simple.

Still, both texts work. emoticon

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- Firlefanz

Reading: "The Golem's Eye" by J. Stroud
Writing: Kiera and the Juggler Boy - YA

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Journeyman

Registered: 10-2006
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 85
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Re: Exercise #7 - 9/26/06


Actually his being in prison (and potentially someone's b*tch) is what made him a killer... emoticon guess that doesn't translate very well.

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"No story that ever began 'So I was playing a Half-Elf, Chaotic-Neutral, Fighter/Thief/Mage' can ever end well." -The Bard Noir
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Lady of the Land

Registered: 05-2003
Location: Germany
Posts: 6984
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Re: Exercise #7 - 9/26/06


Ah, I see. emoticon

Are you aware that there are magazines looking for flash fiction? Granted, they are mostly e-mags, but still.

It can be worth it polishing those tiny stoiries and submitting them.

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- Firlefanz

Reading: "The Golem's Eye" by J. Stroud
Writing: Kiera and the Juggler Boy - YA

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12/5/2006, 7:02 am Link to this post Email Firlefanz   PM Firlefanz Blog
 
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Journeyman

Registered: 10-2006
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 85
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Re: Exercise #7 - 9/26/06


quote:

Firlefanz wrote:

Ah, I see. emoticon

Are you aware that there are magazines looking for flash fiction? Granted, they are mostly e-mags, but still.

It can be worth it polishing those tiny stoiries and submitting them.



Actually - I had no clue. One of the reasons I'm here is to learn these type of thing... and have I offically hijacked the thread.
 emoticon

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"No story that ever began 'So I was playing a Half-Elf, Chaotic-Neutral, Fighter/Thief/Mage' can ever end well." -The Bard Noir
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Lady of the Land

Registered: 05-2003
Location: Germany
Posts: 6984
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Re: Exercise #7 - 9/26/06


 emoticon

I'll put up a few links in the Town Library. emoticon

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- Firlefanz

Reading: "The Golem's Eye" by J. Stroud
Writing: Kiera and the Juggler Boy - YA

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Knight

Registered: 03-2007
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Re: Exercise #7 - 9/26/06


Shadowshifter lifted a hand the colour of the underbelly of a fish and stroked the feathers of his pet crow.
His curtain of black hair flowed behind him as he paced. All the plans were in place, his people would be avenged in a few days. Once he had the Power no one would be able to stop him.
Hevektor squawked. Shadowshifted petted him again. "Soon." He promised. "Soon you will have all the fresh meat you could want."

I just realised I could flip my story around and tell it from my villain's point of view. emoticon

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A fantasy tongue twister: Sputtering silver sliver Sphinxes spit splinters.
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Lady of the Land

Registered: 05-2003
Location: Germany
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Re: Exercise #7 - 9/26/06


That's cool.

  emoticon

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- Firlefanz

Writing: "Kiera und der Gauklerjunge" - novel


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Initiate

Registered: 12-2006
Posts: 21
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Re: Exercise #7 - 9/26/06


Im starting to join these excersises from this one but the moment i put finger to button ive already written a whole page.....i think i have the extreme case of obsessive descriptions, not sure to post it now
6/8/2007, 1:23 pm Link to this post Email Wayward Watcher   PM Wayward Watcher
 
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Lady of the Land

Registered: 05-2003
Location: Germany
Posts: 6984
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Re: Exercise #7 - 9/26/06


Sure, go ahead. emoticon

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- Firlefanz

Writing: "Kiera und der Gauklerjunge" - novel


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Initiate

Registered: 12-2006
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Re: Exercise #7 - 9/26/06


Dawn filtered through the black silk curtains into the dark room and what little light that penetrated the gloom shed light on an Antiquate bedroom, its stone walls draped in drab rugs and featureless murals, there was no sign of life within.

No life save the soft moans from the Royal four poster bed and the rooms soul occupant tossing his head and shifting in discomfort caused by the demons in his sleep.

As the light continued to invade the lair of darkness, its presense seem to infringe of the mans troubled rest as he rolled over dragging the cover over, murmur incoherently save for the only audible word on his lips a name perhaps.

As he slept on regardless other things began to stir, a scurry of small feet and glimpse of beady eyes creeping round the crevices of the furniture, armour and jewels began to glint in the new morning light.

 The mans frustrated moaning grew louder, sweat forming on his brow as that name became clearer in his calls, arms clawing at the sheets in desperation face contorted in fear and anger.

Getting closer the danger was drawing up on him, so light was its touch but penetrated so deep into his feverish mind, breathing faster and shallower.

~ closer and closer that menace aurora came, nothing could stop it, that taunting laugh and mocking expression so cruel in triumphant as it reached out and pulled the golden haired girl who he Desperately clung to, reaching out to steal all he owned, outstretched hand grasping her from him....he was so weak and feeble to stop the spectre.~

....Selinia....Selinia...noo get back....help me....Selinia

Climing up over the shifting mountain of sheets and blankets the small creature with those same beedy eyes clambered over the man wandering towards his face, pausing to stand on its hind legs and twitching its nose seemingly confused by the giant's cries as they got louder

No...don’t go...don’t...selinia

~ Sinking....he was sinking being drowned in creatures which dragged him down away from the fading pair, the man with fair hair and bright clothing leading the girl away in his arms with a smile as she turned to him with an helpless expression before they vanished~

Selinia....

Daring to venture closer the rat eyeing the man put a paw on the exposed neck.

Yarhhhh!

Snapped out a trance Malakine bolted upright and with lightening reflexes snatched the rat in his hands and crushed the life out of it!

Breath ragged breaths he stared in disbelief taking him a full few seconds before working out what the limp furry form in his hands was; then, turning to the direction of the bedroom door he screamed out a different name.

SCROTES! SCROTES!!!

Sitting on the side of the bed he muttered several choice swear words under his breath, if there was one thing he hated it was being rudely awoken, sweeping a hand through his hair he started to dress pulling up his black leather trousers.

It seemed like every night now since that unhappy day he which haunted him about his own failures, the ugly scar was still there and it had cut him deep but not as deep as the memory.

Getting up and moving towards a secluded alter he looked with adoration to the painting of a golden haired smiling girl back at him with innocent eyes holding a single rose matching the dying flora decorating the table.

Stroking her chin, Malakine sighed affectionately as his eyes looked down to a diamond encrusted necklace the only treasure of hers he had.

“Soon my love….soon we will reunite” he whispered as he covered up the scar on his chest.

There was a sudden and urgent thumping on the door….

“Master? I am here! Master!” The voice yammered tinged with fear

But Malakine was in no hurry to open the bolted door, not with out finish dressing first, rubbing his wrists as the gauntlets fitted into place.

“Master what’s happening in there, what’s wrong?” Pinned the insistent voice.

Scowling Scrotes whinging voice was beginning to grate on his nerves; he was already in a bad mood this morning, reaching the door he paused only to grab his helmet.

Standing outside Scrotes stopped banging as he heard the bolts slammed back, stepping back the master had sounded angry when he heard the yells, he always was angry but this morning he was enraged.

Shifting from foot to foot the weasel faced lackey picked at his face when the door drew back with an intake of cold air suck into the blackness of the room.
Stepping out into the gloomy passageway Overlord Malakine turned his full gaze on him and regarding him with a glower he spoke in low icy tone. Shivering the small man could not bare his gaze, cringed looking away, hands visibly shaking.

“Scrotes…..There was another rat in my room…..”

“Rats? Surely not master the rat catcher said he caught them all”

“Well then he missed one” he growled flinging the dead rat at him, have him flogged”

Flitching from the hurled body Scrotes stooped to pick it up.

“He will be punished my lord immediately” He quickly assured bowing.

“Good” Malakine stated, put on his helmet.

“Now…Assemble the generals; I’ve wasted enough time nursing old wounds, the droggen empire shall pay for my defeat” his voice becoming menacing unaturally altered by the skull shaped helmet

“At once my lord and master” The manservant bowed again turning to scurry away.

"Soon my love…..soon I will claim back your love."
Rumbled the tyrant


 emoticon

Last edited by Wayward Watcher, 6/9/2007, 5:51 pm
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Lady of the Land

Registered: 05-2003
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Posts: 6984
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Re: Exercise #7 - 9/26/06


It's good. emoticon

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- Firlefanz

Writing: "Kiera und der Gauklerjunge" - novel


6/9/2007, 5:51 pm Link to this post Email Firlefanz   PM Firlefanz Blog
 
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Initiate

Registered: 12-2006
Posts: 21
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Re: Exercise #7 - 9/26/06


really?

Im finding it a bit of a two sided sword, granted im enjoying creating a descriptive peice but it tend to leave me unable avoid taking a long time over it with that perfectionist sydrome...lol
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