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Re: 2018 Chat


 emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

I get depressed from time to time. It creeps up on me and blasts me out of the blue, and I have to cry for a week, and then kick myself and crawl out of it. I'm trying to kick myself into not wasting a week in a crying jag.

Maybe the guy was nice because he wasn't the one avoiding the stairs. emoticon I have one guy who drops my packages off at my porch ... and another guy who drops my packages off on my sister's porch. My house is directly behind hers, and we share a driveway. The crops in the field hide me back here in the horseshoe of trees, and if you don't drive on between my sister's garage and the barn, you won't know there are two houses. My sister says they plan on putting up a sign with my house number with an arrow showing to continue driving passed the garage and barn. I get tired of having to retrieve my packages from her porch. But, at least it's on my sister's front porch, and not some stranger's porch who would keep what was delivered.




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I'm practing to sit with my bad feelings and meditate and release them. It's helping, but it's not always easy.

I still believe that emotions need to be felt and then released - they are basically signposts, to alert us to something. Letting them go when they have done their duty is a good idea... not something we're taught in life.

I'm reading a fascinating book right now, by Joe Dispenza: "Breaking the Habit of Being You - How to Lose your Mind and Create a New One". (Lesa would bap me for that one, it's part energy work, part new age stuff, and part true wisdom.) Its main focus it to teach how to release old emotions, beliefs and blocks.

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So yesterday I got my tooth scanned. That was an interesting experience. Basically, I got to sit in a chair, with lead securing covers around me and getting a 3D x-ray of my tooth.

I walked there from work, which was okay. Right now, diclofenac is my friend - stupid back ache. I took the bus downtown after that, got some sandals I had been wanting for a while, and bought two deco items for my balcony. One of them was a replacement for a worn thing.

Still happy with my writing.

And this morning, I was thinking - just idle thinking, there's no reason - about what I would do if I knew I only had a short time to live. (That is actually a typical therapist question, designed to uncover true priorities.)

And my answer was that I would hustle to get as many stories published as I could. That mattered most to me, and it's a clear indication of where my plans should go. I mean, I love EFT and won't give it up, but maybe getting my priorities right is important.

I wish you lots of happy writing! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Not a good weekend. Having to catch up on my bookkeeping and taxes makes me feel horrible. I know the numbers are bad. I know my businesses are failing. I do not know how to turn that around.

 emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Even so, I wrote. It's one of the few sources of joy in my life at the moment. (No clients, no sales...)

Today, I go back to the dental specialist, for another session with that final, twisted root canal. I hope this is it, and the next step is the crown. Truth is, I'm expecting another session, because I think he'll want to wait a week before filling it all. I'm so tired of this. emoticon

So yeah. Depression time.

Wishing you all better days and happy writing. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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I didn't work today. The brakes on my van failed so I spent the entire day in the shop getting them repaired. The mechanic told me I was lucky in that my van uses the less expensive rotors. I wanted to believe him but I was looking at a $1,[sign in to see URL] repair bill when he told me that bit of information.

Then I tracked down the reason the "It's a Dog's Life" skin wasn't behaving as it should and fixed it.

Finally, I made some additional progress on the "Battleship Row" skin.

I deliberately chose not to dwell on the troubles in my church. I'll let the actions made there by others percolate in the back of my mind for a day or so before making any plans in that regard.

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Rick: emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

I'm sorry about that bill, but brakes are somewhat important on a car... still, that is painful.

Yay for programming and writing fun. Sometimes, that's what we have to go after.

And I'm wishing you lots and lots of good luck and divine guidance for your church trouble. May there be good solutions.


So yeah. Root canal. No numbing. Some pain. We figured out what the rogue canal is doing, and yes, it is wiggly and tricksy. Specialist broke off the tip of his drill working to clear that canal and yes, the tip is still stuck inside that canal. He took an additional x-ray, computer crashed, rebooted (and YES, ran Windows 10 updates!!), so he gave up, filled up the tooth and sent me home. We'll resume the work in two weeks.

I am SO fricking tired of this. And of course, the adrenalin crash wasn't fun, either.

Considering all the current frustration, I am seriously considering quitting my two businesses and go on with EFT and writing as hobbies. I'll have to find out if I can do EFT legally that way. I do have the licenses. But I can certainly keep writing and building my backlist, and once the income surpasses the hobby threshold, I can go back and have a business again.

Right now, this feels like a good idea that will bring me much relief. It also feels like giving up...

Last edited by Firlefanz, 7/10/2018, 8:08 am


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Yesterday was a bit of a rest day. And a thinky day. And a recovery day.

I probably won't give up my business. Thing is that if I only get one client once a year, I will probably end up going above the hobby threshold. *sigh* (Books will be safe for quite a while, so I will kill that part, most likely.)

Still need to talk about that with my tax advisor friend.

And there are two things I can (and need) to do as soon as possible:

1) Get an ebook written that positions me as expert. Working title: "The Write Mindset - Bust out of Writers' Block with EFT Tapping"

2) Create an online class from my 30 Days Daily Writing Habit. It simply means editing the text and adding video. I hope that'll work on Teachable. That'll be more social proof and chances for upselling. It might even make me some money, although I don't want to make it expensive.

So yeah. Time to get cracking. Or even better, time to discover the fun of this stuff!

Happy writing! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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- Firlefanz

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I didn't manage any work for my businesses yesterday - except having an awesome call with a guy from my cell phone provider's call center. I need to get receipts / bills from them from last year, and I can't access those online anymore. Totally my fault for slacking. He enjoyed our conversation so much that he is sending them to me for free. emoticon

(He also got curious about EFT, and asked me what I'm doing. When I mentioned I didn't have clients, he was surprised, said he loved my voice and way of communicating, and told me quite seriously that it will get better. I was almost in tears at that. Imagine support from such an unlikely source.)
  emoticon emoticon

I did set up today's blog and newsletter, including recording another video. I think I look horrible in it.

And then I wrote the report of the horrible torture scene someone had to watch. Now Zell has to tell his friend in turn, and one of them will recognize the bad guy. And that is the next big challenge for him... he'll go into a gladiator kind of setting to uncover all those crimes.

Today, the weather is brilliant again, and I will write on the balcony. I'll also need do more bookkeeping... and set up a better system.

Wishing you a great day and much writing! emoticon emoticon

Last edited by Firlefanz, 7/12/2018, 8:24 am


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Rick: We're missing you. Or at least I am. I hope that whatever is going on can be resolved. emoticon emoticon

Not much to say, really. Weather is nice again, I'm struggling with bookkeeping and tax stuff, and I'm making time to write every day.

Writing has become a source of joy. And I will write about that journey and market the heck out of it. emoticon emoticon

Looking forward to the weekend.

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Writing is fun, at least writing Zell, and other fiction.

I must also write non-fiction, to give a boost to my coaching business. Thing is, it feels like a chore. I just want to do EFT with people, dangit. At least I figured out one major problem, so now I can move ahead. Hopefully.

And of course, bookkeeping for a failing business is making me sick. So I need to start making money for my own good. emoticon emoticon

It's beautiful weather here, not hot. Almost warm enough to be in just a t-shirt... almost.

Wishing you a lovely day! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Difficult day on Sunday, but it all worked out in the end. I will now be going on on my birthday next week.

Also had a lovely chat with my brother, and I wrote on the balcony.

Did another month of bookkeeping, and it was a really good month! Yeah! More of that!

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I'm a little disgusted at a few things, and quite angry about a few others. No, I don't want to go into details.

I'm seriously considering starting a blog with political and cultural rants, though. Just not sure where and how. And not sure I want the hassle of policing hateful comments.

Of course, if I blog under a male pen name, that probably won't be too bad. emoticon emoticon emoticon

I learned a lot about those "strategy calls" that coaches do to get to know potential clients and well... sell... their courses. I hate selling, but I want clients, so I suppose I need to find a way to reconcile those two.

At any rate, I will revamp my sales pages and my other communication. It feels both exciting and terrifying.

Wishing you happy writing time. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Have you come across this channel? Not sure how helpful she will be, but just in case. (Sorry if I've shared before. I can't recall where I've shared what I share.)

[sign in to see URL]



[Edit]

I just watched this video ... it seems having other channels link their followers to you might help. Maybe do cross interviewing videos? emoticon

[url][sign in to see URL]



[url][sign in to see URL]




[sign in to see URL]

[/Edit]





Last edited by Joxcenia, 7/18/2018, 2:09 am


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Thank you, Jox. I will check those out.

I have also decided to make a new board where I can post my thoughts. Access will be to selected friends only.

It took me most of yesterday to finally process what happened and make decisions. It may be somewhat life-changing. I hope it'll be good.

I also found a few job offers in my home town, and I will apply to them. My weekend will be busy!

(One of them utterly fascinates me: It's at the university library, for a position to create online teaching material, including video, as well as maintaining a website. My skillset should be a perfect fit.)

Writing has been going well. I'm afraid there is some waffling and back and forth - but that is actually normal for the situation my MCs are in right now. I will dial up the drama soon.

Weather was very hot yesterday (over 28C), but it has cooled down nicely. It's also cloudy today. No real chance for rain which would be much needed.

Wishing you a happy day and much writing! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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 emoticon emoticon emoticon

I hope the info is helpful. I've had company since last Thursday, and they should be going home tomorrow. They brought their cat, who has been into everything. Me and the dog will enjoy being alone once again.




Last edited by Joxcenia, 7/19/2018, 5:51 am


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I don't recall if you were the one who shared a blogpost about who to follow on YouTube, or if I got it from somewhere else ... anyhoo, in case you're not aware of this channel:

Science Fiction & Fantasy Marketing Podcast
[sign in to see URL]




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Jox: I hope the company was fun, despite the cat. That must have been a bit of a challenge, especially for your dog.

Thank you for the link. Yes, I'm aware of the podcast. I love Lindsay Buroker. I think she's rather awesome, and she has a marketing background. That shows in her success.

Today will be interesting. Since I'll go out for dinner tonight, I have to write in my afternoon. That is a deviation from my habit, so I'll see how well that goes. I also suspect I'll be glued to FB today.

I have taken tomorrow off, and I'm looking forward to a long weekend.

Wishing you lots and lots of writing! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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I just watched a Creative Penn video on pricing eBooks across different countries ... something for me to remember when the time comes.

I hope your new writing time works out well.

 emoticon emoticon emoticon




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Writing went well.

And that's about the only thing that went well. Today was a bad day. I got my orchids watered, and that's about it.

I *should* do lots of things. Write the non-fiction. Do my taxes and bookkeeping. Send out job applications.

And I just... can't. I suppose I needed a rest day.

Upward and onward and more tomorrow.

Happy writing! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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I think it might be healthy to 'wallow' in our misery before digging our way out of it. Perhaps it helps us focus and figure out a new strategy. emoticon




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I like to step into awareness and figure out what is underlying that misery? What fears? What beliefs? What is really going on below the surface?

Of course, I do that because I am a therapist and that's part of my job for my clients. Dig deeper. Find the roots. Release those emotions.

Right now, for me, it's the challenge of becoming visible, of standing up for what I believe - and taking hits because of that.

My run-in with those ultra-prude "friends" proved that last week. No, I do not believe that meeing with an ex means cheating on his wife. I even believe that sex is a source of well-being and something beautiful if all parties consent.

Yesterday, I had another run-in with a therapist colleague who dissed one of my posts in order to present himself as the better helper. There's a rant coming about that particular stance... I think there's a lot of self-protecting going on in that particular branch of business, to the detriment of clients. Saying so out loud will not gain me more friends...

So far, it hasn't happened with my books. But my SF series will be rather controversial, because sex is a commodity there, at least partially. It's also about freedom, choice and cooperation. I wonder if people will be able to see that? Only those who are open-minded enough to go beyond the sex. Which is why I'll use a different pen name for those...

And yes, I am scared of publishing the next books. I did some statistics for this year yesterday. I earned the grand total of ~$31 this year. I paid about ten times that much for covers. I wish I could turn that around and at least break even. Won't happen unless I publish more. And invest more...

So yeah, these are my thoughts for today. Wishing you all a good day, happy writing, and joy.
 emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Sorry things have been so hard for you all! emoticon emoticon
Things are sort of okay here. The garden is growing good and we got the chick pen done on Friday. The animals are doing good and we had a surprise set of lambs so yah!
Our male guardian dog did hurt his paw, at first we thought it was sprained. After a few days of limping he seemed fine, but then I looked closer and noticed his one toe was really swollen. So we decided to soak it in salt water. I was a bit nervous because I've soaked my own wounds in salt water and know it can really hurt. Anyways I wrapped one arm around his 'shoulders', while I'm kneeling his head is level with mine, and put the paw in the water. After a while I could feel him cringing but he let me keep it in the water for quite awhile longer before yanking it out. I could almost hear him going: "Ow! Ow! Ow!"
We soaked it again yesterday and I had to hold it in maybe for half a minute before he smooshed his paw flat to the bottom of the pan and held it there himself. He figured out it helps I guess. So smart and such a sweetie! *sniff* Today he was running around with his happy dog smile. emoticon
So yeah that was the good [sign in to see URL] dad has had two different stress tests and now is having some sort of heart test. None of us know what is happening because his stupid specialist doctor doesn't tell us anything.
I'm really scared something is going to happen to him and we'll have to sell the farm and move to town so me and my sister can get jobs because neither of us have our drivers license. But it would be min wage jobs which I don't think would be enough and [sign in to see URL] and worried sums it up. emoticon

And then there's stuff going on with my [sign in to see URL] was seeing someone while Grandma was sick and dying in the hospital. And that makes [sign in to see URL].

I was writing but farm chores have pushed it to the back burner for now. Sigh I always think I'll have more time in the summer and never do, you'd think I'd learn! emoticon

If it rains I'll look over your story, Firle. I hope things look up for you! emoticon emoticon

Jox: Thanks for all the interesting links you're posting. emoticon

Pastor Rick: I hope the troubles in your church work out soon! And everything else as well.

And to anyone lurking: Hello! emoticon

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quote:

tryingtowrite wrote:

Jox: Thanks for all the interesting links you're posting. emoticon

 


You are most welcome.

I hope when the tides turn in your 'neck of the woods,' it's for the better, and not for the worse.




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Oh, Trying! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

I hope you can work things out with the farm. Is it hard to get a driver's license where you live? Maybe you could keep the farm, then. At any rate, I'm sending you hugs and good vibes and much healing to your father.

Hearing the tale of your dog learning that you're helping him and imagining his happy smile warms my heart.

Yeah... I'd be livid, too, finding out about what your Grandfather did. It certainly feels like a betrayal. Acknowledge that feeling - but try to let it go eventually. That anger will hurt you more than him, in the long run. I'm totally aware you probably can't do that now or even soon, and that's okay. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

It's another hot day here today, and I have an appointment for - hopefully - the final session of root canals. I already talked to my normal dentist yesterday, and we made a plan for the crown. This is going to be one expensive tooth!!

Temps are supposed to go up to 30C. Not much for most of you guys, but here, we don't have AC in houses. It's usually not necessary. Last year this time, there was severe flooding in Germany, at temps of ~20C.

Writing is fun. I'm so glad I developed this writing habit. It's the best thing of the day, and right now, I keep it for the eveing. I love going to bed feeling happy.

Oh, this morning, I recorded the video for tomorrow's blog (German version), because I know I'll be somewhat out of it after the root canal.

Wishing you all happy writing! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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It's hot.

28C in the office. 27C outside, and that's before 10am. Heatwave will go on into next week, and some parts of Germany will go up to 35C. Record-breaking heat.

No breeze last night, it didn't cool down much, and my apartment was at 25C even after a night with open windows.

No airconditioning.

I will have to ride busses again today, for another doctor's appointment. I'm taking my fan and a bottle of water.

I hope I can write tonight. I will also - somehow - create the blog post and video for tomorrow. I may claim a heat break for next week. We are NOT used to those temperatures here in Northern Germany.

Even so, happy writing for everyone! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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- Firlefanz

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Yesterday I discovered [sign in to see URL] changed their system from unlimited to only reviewing the first 1,500 words in their "free" mode. Since they only give summaries with no actionable feedback tools on the free side, I have relegated them to be useless for my purposes.

This morning I wanted to edit a bit on my first draft and look for some other tool to help evaluate my progress. I found a couple, and I am looking at ][sign in to see URL] now to see if it can meet my needs (I love the concept of a "lifetime membership" instead of incurring yet another monthly bill.)

So, I did manage to edit a little bit on "First Transit" before going to a church meeting today.

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Rick: Ouch. I mean, I can't blame businesses for wanting to make money, but they did become useless with that change. I hope that Prowritingaid works for you.

I totally agree with you on a lifetime payment. I avoid subscription costs whenever possible.

It's still hot. Glad I have a fan at home. I may bring a small one to work tomorrow. Right now, it's 28C at 60% humidity in my office. We had a thunderstorm yesterday, which did drop a little rain.

At least today, I won't have to ride any busses. I was up at 5am, to set up my blog post, and I will get a nice, extended nap once I get home from work. Mediterranean lifestyle for the win!

I woke up suddenly last night and since I hadn't closed the drapes to the balcony, I saw a weird red light in the sky. Put on my glasses and checked - and it was Mars. Amazing, really.

Today, I have a small to-do list - on purpose. This heat is getting to me.

Wishing you all happy writing! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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- Firlefanz

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Worst day of heat for today. Fortunately, there was a bit of a breeze last night, and I got my apartment down to about 25C. That's the limit so far, because that heat is now embedded in the brick walls and furniture and a night of cooler air isn't going to make a big difference yet.

With luck, we'll get a change in weather on Saturday evening. With thunderstorms and rain, hopefully. Trees are already shucking leaves...

I gave myself permission to do practically nothing yesterday. In fact, I spent a great deal of the afternoon in bed, dozing and napping.

I need to work on Dragon Prey. Need to read the feedback, edit, start the formatting. And I never really worked on my non-fiction. I'm scared of the bill for the Zell covers. emoticon

But first, this heat needs to ease.

Wishing you a happy writing day!

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Another scorcher. I closed down all windows at 8am, and it's not really helping. The fan is. (I suspect my stupid neighbors below me have everything open and wonder why it's so hot in their apartment...)

They are predicting rain and thunderstorms for later today, and I wouldn't be surprised. Was out for a quick story run, and humidity was... high. Glad I got that done while it wasn't that hot.

Today, I finally got my courage up to read feedback from my one and only beta-reader for Dragon Prey. His first time as beta-reader, and he did very well. Gave me general feedback about what he liked, told me the story worked for him, and gave me list of typos. This is gold.

I also learned something new about Jutoh which might make formatting a breeze, at least for the ebook. Looking forward to trying that. emoticon Since I have to do another editing run on Dragon Prey, I might as well set that up.

Tooth is still grumbling a little. Or rather, the bone is. I really, really hope that next week's session is the last one we need.

Anyway, today will be an interesting day. Whishing you happy writing!
 emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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- Firlefanz

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Not a good day today. I'm editing a little.

Feeling horrible for not getting anything done.
Feeling horrible because my apartment isn't clean or tidy.
Feeling horribe because I haven't sold a book in over a month.
Feeling horrible because I have no friends to call when I feel bad.

So yeah. And I'm about to send Zell into a horror hell. His girlfriend insists on coming. I'm not sure I can save her. Feeling horrible as a writer, as well.

And this is authentic me. Even writers, coaches and therapists have horrible days.

May your day be good. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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- Firlefanz

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